Puppy love

Forget Tinder guys – get your priorities straight.

Dogs are the real companions we want to find. They are constantly happy, decrease people’s stress levels and will laugh (or bark or do nothing) at all your jokes. Humans are fickle. Dogs are forever!

But being on campus makes it hard to get your animal fix. After leaving our pets at home when coming to college, finding the right dog to make your day can be a real challenge. That’s why we brought the dogs to YOU. Below are four eligible dog bachelors looking for love and best friends.

PHOEBE: SELFIE KWEEN

REGINA LOPATA LOGAN, Ph.D., SESP

You might recognize me from my glamour shots in the SESP office of Student Affairs, but I promise I’m really down-to-earth. I love relaxing and warm weather days, but do not ask me to go for a walk if it is too hot, too cold, raining or snowing. I have a low belly that is NOT about to get wet. I hate clothes, so don’t suggest any of that costume shit; I prefer the nude. DM me if u think u can hang and grab some grub: my appetite is insatiable.

RUBY: LOVABLE SCIENTIST

JASON BRICKNER, Ph.D., MOLECULAR BIOSCIENCES

Wanna share your electrons with me? I’m looking for that covalent bond. I’m part of my dad’s lab so people come and see me all the time. He calls me a “total love savage,” so I’m down to hang with just about anyone. When I’m not hitting the books, I enjoy swimming, hiking and playing games in the hallway for snacks. Come chill if you want your daily dose of oxytocin (for those who don’t know, that’s the love/cuddle hormone).

TOBY: ALL-AMERICAN STUD

AMY KEHOE, FELLOWSHIPS

Eating, sleeping, catching but NOT retrieving, and tug of war are my favorite things to do, but I am also happy to lend an ear if you’re stressed out about making life plans after graduation – my mom says I am really good at that. Fair warning: I shed a lot, so BYOLR (bring your own lint roller) for playdates. While hair loss is an issue, I have this great lotion for my fur that you HAVE to come and smell. Stop by, say hello and take a whiff of my luscious locks.

WEEZIE: THE SILENT SLAYER

JORGE CORONADO, Ph.D., SPANISH AND PORTUGUESE

Don’t be fooled by my demure personality; it’s not because I’m shy – my vocal cords were clipped as a puppy for hunting. Before Jorge, my owner, adopted me, I lived with a nice family who eventually couldn’t take care of me. I may not be able to bark, but I’m a great listener who isn’t distracted by flighty things like squirrels. I also have the hunting skills to protect you from larger animals and menacing humans; I promise to keep you feeling safe and protected.