Sweet sexcapes

Go ahead, give yourself a reason to smile on game days. Just think: if you have sex on the goal line, you'll have scored more times in that endzone than the Wildcats do some Saturdays! Once you've successfully executed your game plan, slap your partner on the butt and hit the showers.

No, not in the steam tunnels – everyone's done that. You want to get inside the pipes themselves. Sure, it'll take a little extra flexibility, but the result will be extra adventurous and extra steamy. You'll need a wrench, a soldering iron, plasma cutters, a set of heavy-duty goatskin gloves and safety glasses. You know what to do from there.

Every student knows the most iconic and instantly recognizable feature of the Northwestern landscape: the gaggle of construction cranes that rove campus from north to south. Who knows what they'll tear down next and replace with a dizzying pile of glass, steel and painfully bright LED staircases? One thing's for sure, though. Construction never stops and neither do the thrills of high-altitude hook ups.

You've seen the creepy wooden house on Chicago Avenue wedged between some sad looking apartments and a parking lot. This horror movie set was the home of Frances Willard, the dour namesake of Northwestern freshmen's fourth-choice dorm. Honestly, this one's kind of a mixed bag. Pros: Stick it to a racist puritan who advocated for prohibition and had a running feud with Ida B. Wells because she used to say things like "the colored race multiplies like the locusts of Egypt."
Cons: Having her scowling ghost in the room will probably kill the mood.

Don't worry, you'll have plenty of room in there. The way Jared used to leave all his clothes lying around on the floor on my side of the room, I don't think he even put anything in his closet. Seriously, you wouldn't even have any trouble getting in there since he always leaves the door unlocked. And you'd have plenty of time, too. Not once in the whole year did Jared come home before 2 a.m., even when I had a midterm the next morning and I specifically asked him not to wake me up in the middle of the night. Oh man, just imagine the look on Jared's face.

When Northwestern students want to have sex by the water, they usually go to the rocks on the Lakefill – but that is so early 21st century. As climate change continues unabated and Lake Michigan inevitably rises, the Rock will become the new waterfront hookup spot. By the time the class of 2050 enrolls, the only piece of this campus left above the waves will be the lost ruins of Old Norris.

As rising tides unmoor the Ryan Center for the Musical Arts from its current resting place in South Campus, the new music building will set sail to safety across the Lake (as it was designed to, with Morty and all of Northwestern's top donors in first class and the philosophy department shoveling coal to earn their berths in steerage). Then, the S.S. Bienen will become the scene for an impossibly intense love affair between you and your partner. You'll stand at the bow of the building and teach your partner to fly; you'll dance wildly with anthropology professors at a party on the third class deck; and your partner will sketch you nude before you make passionate love in a car parked belowdecks. Yes, the S.S. Bienen will truly be as unsinkable as you and your college significant other's love.

Kidding. No one has sex in Allison.