CTECs from last night
By Harrison Simons
For those of you with friends who just got back from abroad, you’ve probably discovered that we either won’t shut up about it, or won’t talk about what you really want to know (the sex). It therefore seems only appropriate that we abroad-alums now leave you with some CTECs to help guide you through the world of European hook ups and ungodly amounts of beautiful men you’re sure to discover.
University Professor
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Please summarize your reaction to this hookup focusing on the aspects that were most important to you.
It was just a normal Tuesday afternoon. I was in class but the movie we were watching was hella boring, so I left to use the bathroom. Fast forward five minutes, I’m standing at my urinal and this old dude a couple urinals down is staring at me. I’m like huh that’s weird, maybe it’s a Spanish thing. Turns out no, he just wanted some D. We somehow ended up in his office and fast forward 15 more minutes: I’m back in class, watching the same boring movie. Remember to always be on your guard, you never know when or where you’ll spot your next hunk.
What are the sexual strengths of the partner(s)?
He was kind of old… He was like, VERY into me, so the ego boost was a positive. He was also a professor, so that probably means he’s smart.
What are the primary weaknesses, if any, of the partner?
He was a little too old. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about this new daddy fad, but when you’re pushing 50, it all starts to feel a little too geriatric. Try and do a little research before you go boy hunting to make sure you’re hitting areas where you’ll find the type of men you prefer, whatever that may be.
Art Museum Guy
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Please summarize your reaction to this hookup focusing on the aspects that were most important to you.
I’m at the modern art museum in Paris, right? I go down to the basement to use the bathroom, and as I’m washing my hands this guy walks in. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes, tight bod – he looks good. We make eye contact in the mirror but it’s not normal eye contact, it’s way more intense than that (“gay eye contact,” I like to call it). He walks into a stall and right before he closes the door he gives me a little eyebrow raise. So I’m like, do I do it? I was feeling ~reckless~ so I walked over and lo and behold, the stall isn’t locked. I crack the door and this dude literally beckons me into his stall. We do the dirty; I washed my hands and went to get some falafel. If you’re not the relationship type, this is the sort of encounter you should be looking for.
What are the sexual strengths of the partner(s)?
Aggressive! But also sly. He was like a mystery man. Oh it was also nice to meet someone somewhere other than online. There’s something about that organic, in-person connection that’s so refreshing, even when it happens in a museum bathroom.
What are the primary weaknesses, if any, of the partner?
He was great. It was more the surroundings that got to me. An essentially public bathroom stall is never my fi rst choice for sexual encounters, especially of the anonymous kind. Also, we forgot to lock the door, and another poor man was forced to catch a glimpse of what I’m sure was not a pretty sight.
Grindr Guy
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Please summarize your reaction to this hookup focusing on the aspects that were most important to you.
I literally can not think of an interesting thing to say about this man. I don’t remember his name, and his apartment was like a 15 minute walk from my homestay. I honestly felt like the IRL version of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Take away: Go into this all with an open mind, and don’t expect every hook up to be mind blowing.
What are the sexual strengths of the partner(s)?
Easy. His apartment was impeccably decorated. Nice smelling soap and fancy mouthwash too, which I helped myself to. Having a hospitable space in which to fornicate is so important.
What are the primary weaknesses, if any, of the partner?
As I wrote earlier, I really can’t decide how I feel about this one. Eh. That’s all that’s coming to mind. I’ve never had boring sex before, but wow, that was so boring.