Group hug? Group hug.
As of 5 p.m. on Friday, June 13, we’re done with the 2013-2014 school year at Northwestern. Congratulations! I’ll be honest: I’ve been finished with school since March, and my diploma arrived in May. I’ve hung out in Evanston, partied and started work while two of my roommates slogged through their final quarter at Northwestern.
Maybe it’s the (miniscule) distance from my last classes at Northwestern, but in addition to all those feelings about how fast these four years went, I’ve also had time to reflect on how all the all-nighters and study sessions made me feel. They made me feel awful. This school puts you through the wringer. It was a mix of bitterness and pride that made so many of us share the survey that declared Northwestern to be the fifth most stressful school in the nation, right?
Of course, we each cope with stress in a different way. My strategy for getting through finals and midterms has always been to figure out when the stress or the pain ends. “In seventy-two hours I will be done with this midterm.” “In twenty-four hours I will have already finished this test.” “I’m sitting down to this exam, and it will be done in less than an hour.” It’s been my go-to for papers, for tests, even for discussion section debates. Figure out when the pain ends. Maybe that’s just my habit as a journalist; I thrive on deadlines. During the two and a half years I suffered under the illusion that I’d be an economics double major, it got me through micro midterms.
It was, quite honestly, a terrible strategy. It focused on quantifying my stress, and then on making my life revolve around that schedule of stress. The times that it almost broke me are uncomfortable to think about, and during sophomore year, it began to affect my health when my other coping mechanism manifested as an eating disorder. In the end, I made it. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, locked my sights on it and set my deadline to the 2014 Medill convocation. Other changes – like changing my second major from economics to art history, which I love – were good changes, too.
However, as we’ve all seen in the past few years, the environment at Northwestern can be unfeeling, isolating and unforgiving. During my junior year we lost too many members of our student body to suicide, and the same thing happened this year. I lost someone who had been one of my best friends in the fall, and I distinctly remember thinking to myself a week after her death, “Just get out of here. Get out of here as fast as you can.”
Thankfully, I have a close group of friends and a supportive family, and keeping in communication with them helped me with stress; for both fall and winter quarter, I finished all my papers from home because it was better than sitting in the library or in my apartment alone at one in the morning.
This isn’t just something I have to deal with, obviously. We all have finals weeks. We all have research papers. We collectively live through a month-long midterm season. I think that stress boils down to a two-step process: First, you look at yourself and how stressed you are. Then, you look at everyone else, and you do what you’re never supposed to do: You compare your insides to everybody else’s outsides. It’s so easy to feel hopelessly unprepared or inadequate at Northwestern. I am constantly amazed by the work my peers do – and then I think to myself, “How did I get in?” It’s part of the neuroticism that is present in so much of the student body: Worrying about yourself and worrying about how you stack up. Where did you have your summer internship? Are you going to get a job? How are you going to get a job competing against her?
So, I don’t know how you feel about Northwestern, but let me share this with you: This school is hard. Like, really ridiculously hard. If you feel alone in your stress, know that everyone else is going through something similar. That means two things: First, other people, who look like they have it all together could have been just as frazzled by that midterm as you were, so don’t lose sleep comparing yourself to them. Second, we can support each other in our collective work. I know we all already do this, whether it’s checking in on friends, getting coffee or lunch or going out to relax, chilling on the lakefill – even hugs, I’m not kidding – but I think it’s something that should be as important as academics. Building up and enriching our support networks is incredibly fulfilling and does a lot of good in alleviating stress. It’s how we learn to be better people.
Finally, if you ever feel inadequate, or wonder why you’re at Northwestern, or if you’re ever feeling down or upset about classes or student life, I want to tell you something: I’m proud of you.
If you don’t know me, that probably doesn’t mean a lot (it might mean even less if you do know me), but like I said: This school is hard, whether it’s midterm or finals season, and you didn’t just get through one of those. You just finished an entire year at Northwestern. That is something you should feel proud about every day. If you’re not a senior, you’re still well on your way to getting a degree from one of the premier universities in the world.
I’ve had a lot of recent conversations with my family about my “Northwestern experience,” and there have been some questions I’ve been asked on a pretty consistent basis. Chief among these questions is what were the best and worst parts of college. The worst part of college was when I found a fully-stamped crepe stand card at home, after the stand had closed. That just hurt.
However, the best part of Northwestern has, without a doubt, been you. Not only have I made some truly fantastic friends, but I get to be in an academic and social environment with more people who I just haven’t had time to meet, who are also wonderful. I have, at times, been disappointed with the administration and sometimes with the actions of a small contingent of students. On the whole, however, I am extremely proud of our student body.
There are students committed to social change and safe spaces, increasing opportunities for everyone – like NU-NAISA and the John Evans study, Northwestern Quest Scholars, SHAPE and the Rainbow Alliance. CAPA, led by many on our football team, will hopefully change the face of college athletics. Mayfest and A&O coordinate massive budgets to put on concerts for our student body. I’m proud to have been a part of NBN, which consistently puts out great journalism and solid publications. Sherman Ave and Spoon showcase student ingenuity and dedication. And I’ve met students who are so smart it scares me.
There will be times in your undergraduate career that finals stress will get to you, or you may feel like you don’t stack up. I want you to remember the hard work that got you here in the first place, and I also want you to remember that the work you’re doing now is difficult. It will be hard, and it’s hard for most everyone. You should all be proud of yourself, and of the environment you’ve created. I will always be proud to call myself a fellow Wildcat.
Taylor was a staff writer for North by Northwestern.