When I was getting ready to live in Doha, Qatar, for a quarter, I browsed several forums for expatriates who had relocated to Qatar to see how they made the transition easier on themselves. And they all seemed to say the same thing: It’s not about what you do in Doha, but rather who you do it with. Doha has a decent number of places to spend an evening, but residents are largely forced to make their own fun with a close group of friends. And once I started spending time in Doha, I realized that this description was spot on.
The more important realization, however, happened after I had returned home. For the first time, I had figured out that this mantra holds true everywhere, whether I was abroad in the Middle East or back home on familiar American soil. Life’s not about what you do. It’s about the people you do it with.
Growing up, I viewed the world in almost entirely the opposite way. I rarely hung out with friends outside of school. While I was at school, I was as social as anyone else was. I had two or three circles of friends I would spend time with during class or at lunch. But when I got home, that was my time. I kept largely to myself – usually leaving the house only to go out with my family – spending my time playing games or watching TV.
This, thankfully, did not continue once I got to Northwestern. Once I was surrounded by people my own age, people in the same living spaces, I began to actually interact with my peers on a daily basis. I made friends, friends I could go out to eat with or accompany into the city. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was starting to learn this lesson that it’s not about the things you do, but rather the people you do them with.
Finally hanging out regularly with groups of people helped me catch up on years of missed social experience, but something else was happening simultaneously.
In a phenomenon that sounds like it comes right out of Northwestern’s overly optimistic recruitment brochures, these new groups of friends began to slowly but surely expand my worldview. After years of a self-imposed sheltered upbringing, I met people with views and experiences that challenged all of my preconceived beliefs about how the world works. I learned about how it felt to grow up gay in a conservative community. I heard about what it is like to be raised on the wrong side of the proverbial tracks. Every new student I met introduced me to at least one new piece of information that steadily broke down the perspective I had developed after an adolescence concerning myself primarily with the status of my own life.
In one of many desperate attempts to put off writing one paper or another, I once looked back as a senior on my Facebook history throughout college, finding out what Freshman-Connor thought was important enough to share with his friends. And it led to one equally undeniable and uncomfortable conclusion: That guy was an asshole. Freshman-Connor was an arrogant, holier-than-thou twerp, so confident in his own narrow ideals that other opinions were quickly dismissed as faulty.
But my recognition and admission of this led to a more reassuring realization: I am no longer Freshman-Connor. And here I realized the true effect my groups of friends had had on me. I realized that where I really got my money’s worth at Northwestern was not in a long-forgotten class. I had grown into a halfway-decent human being because of the people I had chosen to associate with throughout my time here.
The people I met here have, for better or for worse, had profound effects on me for four years, changing me from a haughty teenager into someone that – I hope – has a legitimate chance to fit in in a professional setting. Arrogance has been tempered into enthusiastic self-confidence. A more open mind replaced unfair derision of character. Whether I met them by chance in an assigned res hall or as a result of a conscious decision to join an outside organization, these people have eased down some of my harsher qualities and brought my strengths to the surface.
Throughout all of the classes I took at Northwestern, the most important lesson I can take away from my time here is the importance of putting forth the effort to keep close ties with people you find engaging. People you care about and people who care about you. People who support you. People who challenge you. And most importantly, taking the time to find good friends who disagree with you.
It’s the only way you learn anything.
Connor served as News Editor and Copy Chief for North By Northwestern.