Do you remember the first time you encountered a butthole other than your own? I don’t mean seeing one in anatomy class or porn. I mean really encountered one, like gotten up close and personal with someone else’s butthole. Chances are, unless you’re gay and/or particularly adventurous, the closest you’ve come is cleaning up after number two.
I, on the other hand, vividly remember the first time I came face-to-face with another man’s butthole. I was a junior in high school. I had been trying to get into this boy’s pants (let’s call him Nick) for a few weeks now. Nick and I were chatting on Facebook, trying to ascertain what we were and were not into. Making out? Check. Blowjobs? Check. Rimjob? Hold up. I opened up a new tab on my computer and went straight to Urban Dictionary:
Doesn’t sound very appealing, does it? But boy, did I want Nick’s dick, and if getting some D meant sucking some A, I was down. And while I still commend myself on my dedication, it was sort of definitely not worth it. I first got a whiff of the smell when he took off his pants, but we were in my car, so I couldn’t be sure it was him. But as I got closer, ready to dive down his rabbithole, there was no mistaking it. His butthole smelled like cheese. But I am not a quitter, so I sucked it up and did my duty. Later that night, after many, many vigorous tooth brushings, I vowed to never again touch (or lick) a butthole, again.
I kept my word for the next two years, but the butthole’s a powerful thing – a force of nature, if you will – and if it wants you, it will not be denied. At this point I was a freshman in college and had a steady boyfriend. We’d talked about trying it, but I was wary. What if buttholes just, like, always smelled bad? It’d make sense, right? Rationally, I knew that if Nick had just showered beforehand, things would’ve gone better, but trust me: Stinky cheese trumps reason. Every. Time.
I decided that if I was going to try again, I wanted to work up to it, put something other than my tongue in there, like, y’know, my finger, my penis… really anything that wasn’t right next to my nasal cavities. Eventually, I caved and decided to resume my journey down butthole lane. We started slow; I fingered him, topped a few times, just familiarized myself with everything going on down there. Then came the big day. We showered (critical), made out, etc. etc. before I plunged into dark waters once again. It wasn’t so bad this time. In fact, I kind of enjoyed it. My boyfriend loved it, and hearing his reactions really got me off.
We broke up a few months later, for unrelated reasons.
I moved on quickly, and it wasn’t long before I didn’t miss anything about my ex – except his butthole. I had really gotten used to eating ass, and if I was being honest with myself, I wanted second helpings. The only problem was I just didn’t know how to ask for it. Not only that, but what if my ex had an exceptional butthole? What if the next one I encountered was as cheesy as my first?
But like I said before, you can’t hide from the butthole. Just a few months ago I finally got the chance to revisit my old friend. This time it was with a boy who had never been rimmed. I still didn’t know how to ask, so I just worked my way down, hoping things would be OK (Note: You should always ask before you do something in a sexual situation – I’m lucky the boy in question was OK with it). Thankfully, my friend went with it, and I came away with my appetite fully satisfied. Not only that, but the boy said it was the best sexual experience he had ever had.
So if you’ve ever thought about trying a little butthole action, I hope you will. Take it slow, make sure everyone is clean, and only do what you’re comfortable with. It’s an easy way to spice up your sex routine, and trust me, it’ll be worth it.