The first time I went to a bar, the first time I went to the Deuce and – most importantly – the first time I went to Boystown all happened in one night. Here are some memories that survived the night.

7:00 p.m.
It’s my friend’s birthday and she wants to go out. I’ve never been to a bar.
10:00 p.m.
Beer and wine are nasty. Skol it is.
10:01 p.m.
One shot down. Vodka is so gross. Time for shots two through five.
12:00 a.m.
Arrive at the Deuce. It’s kind of far away. How do people afford getting here every week? It’s dirty and small.
12:05 a.m.
Remember that boy from Wildcat Welcome that you were really into but then you realized you were just lonely and trying to fill a void so you moved on and you don’t miss him but he’s still really hot and you shouldn’t kiss him again because why try again but you kiss him anyways? He spends his Thursdays at the Deuce.
12:07 a.m.
“Text me later.” Yeah, right, Wildcat Welcome Boy.
12:09 a.m.
My friend: “It’s gross here. Let’s go to Boystown.”
Me: “I am literally fucked up and I am literally wearing pajama bottoms.”
12:45 a.m.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine such a place. There’s fog. There are lights. They’re playing, like, only REALLY GOOD MUSIC.
12:47 a.m.
Everyone is so hot. Me to everyone: “Rub your beard on my face.”
12:56 a.m.
Me: “Hey do you like this song???” *Beyoncé playing*
Hot guy: “What??”
Me: “Me too! Are you going to her concert?”
Hot guy: “???”
Me: “See you there!”
1:00 a.m.
Fuck it up, Harrison. You’re thriving. You’re living. Everyone here LOVES YOU.
1:01 a.m.
Me: *sees large, handsome, sex god*
Me: “How old are you?”
Him: “Thirty.”
Me: *runs in circles around the bar because I am honestly too turnt*
1:11 a.m.
I just spent my last $10 on shots I definitely don’t need.
1:35 a.m.
Me to Wildcat Welcome Boy: “What’s up? Wanna hang out when I’m back on campus?”
1:40 a.m.
I love dancing so much. My body is so free right now. Wearing pajama pants was an amazing idea. God bless men. God bless Fireball. God bless flashing lights. Amen.
1:45 a.m.
I am so glad straight boys are scared of gay bars because this place is heaven on Earth and I don’t ever want to question whether the men I’m flirting with are imagining me naked or not.
2:23 a.m.
How did I get in this Uber? Oh, good, my friends are taking me back to campus.
2:43 a.m.
What do you mean I’m hyperventilating?
2:53 a.m.
*vomits*
9 a.m.
Remember Wildcat Welcome Boy? His bed isn’t as comfy as I remember it.